Age Appropriate

Tonight I stayed after work for almost three hours to work on my thesis.  Combined with the 4 hours I put in yesterday, this represents significant progress.  I’m really in the very last stages.  Today I completed everything except the formatting (mostly done), the bibliography (in an external document – mostly done), and the conclusion (in outline form).  The document is currently 264 pages.  that is 264 pages of original research.  My research.  Mostly done in the hours after work and the weekends.

Yeah.  No wonder this thing has been so overwhelming.  It’s like a dissertation.  Only not quite.  I mean, it could be, I think.  I’ll know in a few years – when I go for my doctorate (the timing of which is wholly dependent on when I pay off my student loans – but my retirement plan requires a doctorate – and tenure.  eventually).

Which is to say that after another 13 hour day of solid work, I feel that it is acceptable for me to not think about work.  The three vodka & lemonades have helped.

This is about entertainment.  TV and Books to be exact.

Let’s start with the book.  I spent last week in Kansas City on a business trip.  The thing about Kansas City is it is about 5 hours of plane time from Sacramento.  Include the layover, and that is just about a full day of travel – even with the time changes.  To keep myself distracted on the flight (I don’t know if it is just me, or if everyone feels bloated and rather uncomfortable on planes, but it has gotten to the point for me that it is hard to ignore the pain in my guts/legs/hips/back/shoulders/neck/and in this case, feet unless I have something to distract myself with) I picked up a book on my layover.  Brad Thor’s Full Black.  Oh god, did that book piss me off.

First, I have to justify myself.  I purchased the book because the blurbs on the cover said it was “brilliantly paced with superb nonstop action”.  See, I like my airplane books like I like my movies – with incredibly detailed fight sequences and glorious explosions.  Mayhem is good too.  I have the entertainment tastes of a teenage boy.  But the review quote that got me to plunk down $15 for this book?  “Thor’s most fully realized work…. There is enough adrenaline-charged adventure to fill several books of its length – with explosions. mayhem and karate…. Do not miss Full Black.”  

 

Yeah.  See the part where they don’t mention all the extreme right wing propaganda?  The part where the author spends pages upon pages glorifying unregulated capitalism and demonizing anything that remotely smells of socialism.  The part where the author actually refers to Fox News as a reliable news source.  The part where TORTURE is an acceptable way to get potential terrorists to talk.  AND the part where those terrorists are MUSLIM.  Because of course they are Muslim.  I mean what else would they be?  It isn’t like most of the recent terrorist issues were less about religion and more about plain old insanity.  No, they have to be Muslim.  Gah.  Uhg.  and Bleh. 

 

The propaganda in this book was so thick that I actually caught myself gagging at 30 thousand feet – and not in a fun way.  I was constantly torn between putting the thing down, and continuing to see just what the hell made this a best seller – because it certainly wasn’t the fear-mongering… Unless it was.  I hate fear-mongering, so it doesn’t sell for me.  But then I also can’t stand Fox News, I think the extreme right are nutty in the noggin, and I have no patience for easy stereotypes. 

 

For easy anything, really.  I have high expectations.  264 page thesis, people.  264 of original research – and I haven’t even written the conclusion.  (Spoiler – It Failed.)

 

This book made me so irritated that I put it down several times – and even considered not finishing it.  Not only was its ideology blatantly hanging out in the breeze all unsupported and such (seriously, “writes like Ayn Rand” is not a compliment – unless you are Ayn Rand) but its action sequences had an overload of “movie moment” – and I’m not talking the Bourne kind of movie.  More like Seriously Contrived and Totally Predictable and Oh Yeah – Did I Mention that This Book Promotes Torture as a Means to Gather Accurate Info?  Cuz it does. 

 

But – I was trapped on a plane.  And I didn’t want to spend more money for another book.  And I kept hoping that there might be one redeemable fight scene.  Cuz when I’m daydreaming, I’m choreographing fight scenes.  And, I’m not gonna brag or anything, but my lamest fantasies were still better than the action in this book.  Nothing new to add. 

 

It made me sad.  And angry.  What the hell that this dude – who writes propaganda filled mediocre adventure stories (the interest of which totally relies on ignorant fear) should have a best selling novel career and I’m still writing my thesis.  On redevelopment.  Which is dead. 

 

Yeah.  The book sucked.  All of the male characters were the same (actually they were essentially the same person just written in different decades of his life – one in his 30’s, one in his 40’s, one in his 50’s, and a couple in their 60’s and 70’s – all suitably badass, of course but not one of them genuine or even interesting) and the two female characters were sex objects.  Even if one of them was technically a badass, she was relegated to a nurse in this story.  No female badassery allowed.

 

Sad.

 

Enough of that.  Onto the other. 

 

I’ve been watching a lot of Netflix lately – the streaming sort.  TV series actually – as I do not have cable – or even basic reception and the only TV I can access is the free Hulu and Netflix.  I’ve been drawn to a couple of older series – things I never saw the first time around.  Scrubs, Psych, and Burn Notice.  And I’ve realized something very interesting through these series. 

 

I’m attracted to age appropriate characters. 

 

That is to say that I’m not attracted to the 20 somethings – even the late 20 somethings.  I’m into the characters that are obviously in their late 30’s and 40’s.  A bit of gray at the temples?  Yes please!  A history and some baggage to go along?  Ohh Yeah!  A little bit of cantankerousness and resistance to change?  MmmmHmmm.  Don’t get me wrong.  The younger characters are nice to watch.  But I don’t find them nearly as interesting – even when they are the main characters. 

 

Also, Burn Notice?  Excellent spy drama – Brad Thor should take note.  Characters without some irony/humor/flaws are Uninteresting. 

 

I know that there is a lot of good TV out there that I haven’t watched.  I gave up TV back in 2001, and I can honestly say that I’ve never watched a “reality” show all the way through.  Except the “Real World” on MTv – cuz that is what you watched when you were in high school in the early 90’s and had your wisdom teeth pulled and got to stay home for a week while your face swelled up like a helium balloon next to a light bulb. 

 

I feel good about the fact that I’m currently attracted to guys my own age – or slightly older.  This is meaningful for me.  I spent several years dating guys who where significantly younger than me because it was my way of adopting a “risk free” relationship.  Really, a gig with a guy 6 or 7 years your junior really isn’t supposed to work when you’re in your 20’s.  (Late 20’s and I’m not talking Jail Bait here – really, give me some credit.)  I like that a bit of gray, or a bit of bald, or a bit of wizened appeals to me now. 

I just wonder what it would take to make me appealing to a bit of wizened. 

 

To Sum Up, Book was bad.  TV is good.  I’m a total hypocrite.  Yay!

 

In more personal news, back during winter I’d contemplated not dying my hair anymore.  It is going gray fast and furiously, and I’ve begun to wonder if I should just let it go.  I realized today, as I was looking in the mirror at the gym as I got ready for work – post workout – that it makes me look much older.  My face has not wrinkled as much as my hair has grayed.  It is a bit of a disconnect – for me at least – to see the two in the same frame.  I’d like to go au’naturale because, frankly, it is cheaper and I’d never have to pay for another haircut again.  BUT, I also know that I will not feel “pretty” with the grey.  I just feel “wizened”.  And I’m not all that sure that wizened is a good look for the ladies.  Maybe I should just go get it dyed again. 

 

Or maybe I should accept that I am old.  At 35.  Yeah.  I am unsure at this point.  It is a strange situation for me.  35 feels old as dirt.  But I also know that 35 is really not that old.  Technically I could still have children – if having children was something I wanted to do.  But I feel like I’m dragging my carcass around day-in day-out – just waiting for the fall that will break my hip or send me into a coma – from which I will never recover.

 

I may need more joy in my life.  Just maybe.

 

And that is that.  Except for this.  Mr. Thor?  After I complete this monster of a thesis, I’m going to finish that novel I started.  And you know what?  It’s gonna be good.  Without the propaganda.