I have just finished the text of my literature review. I need to go back and read it through and edit it before I send it off, but first I need to think about something else for a bit – to cleanse my mental palate so to speak. I’m pretty drained mentally right now. Yesterday was a great step towards refilling the intellectual coffers a bit but it was only a start. I’ll run through everything I accumulated yesterday before I am done tonight.
I got on the scale at the gym Friday. I don’t know why I did. I knew it was not a good time to weigh myself – I’m in the midst of another weight gain cycle. I’m not particularly anxious – or at least I wasn’t until I got on the scale and it told me that I was 14lbs over my target. Now I’ll grant that my target is 5lbs under my average. I cannot seem to lose those last 5lbs. And that’s fine. At some point I’ll have to reassess the target. Some future point, that is. But 14? Good grief!
There is the bit where muscle weighs more than fat. Yeah, ok. I’ve been lifting weights three days a week for a month now. I haven’t seen much increase in my strength – which is to say that I’ve only gone up between 5 and 10 lbs in the amount of weight I’m lifting (barbell curls with 20lbs! it’s a first for me) but I think that if I keep it up I might actually be able to do a pull-up by the end of the semester. So maybe some of that 14lbs is muscle. Maybe 3lbs of it. Maybe. The rest? Stress fat – aka Booze and cookie fat.
Ok, not cookies per se. I’m not a huge cookie fan. Instead I eat these cardboard flavored granola bars. I figured that if I got the ones that just tasted bad then I wouldn’t be so tempted to eat the whole box in one sitting. Instead I’ve developed a taste for them – which is good in that it’s toned down my sweet tooth a bit and bad in that I was buying them by the Costco box. I’m still trying to keep on the higher protein/lower processed carbs diet. But I’m struggling a bit. Mostly because it isn’t habit yet. And I’m finding that I run out of my protein foods and my fresh veggies much faster than I ran out of carb based foods. AND they’re more expensive. So not only do I have to go to the grocery store more often (hell!) but I’m paying more when I do (depressing!).
To sum up, we’re going back on the no drink during the week pattern. Just so I can continue to fit in my jeans, please. I cannot afford a new wardrobe right now – especially since I want to buy some travel friendly clothes for my upcoming trip. I am going to have to find something though that I can turn to for my after meal/pre-bed fidgets. That is usually when my sweet tooth hits hardest, and I’m most vulnerable to eating all the dark chocolate in the freezer, drinking half a bottle of Amaretto and finishing it off with a big snifter of brandy. Not a friendly way to end the evening, if your waistline is at risk.
I keep thinking about how things will be different when I’m not longer tied to my thesis. I’m tempted to put some high expectations on this coming summer. Tempted, but I’m going to resist. It will be what it will be. And it might take me a while to find myself again. I was chatting with a friend Friday night. She is one of the half-dozen or so good friends that I have made since I started grad school – only two of which are actually from school. I told her that I thought they might be surprised to see how my personality is different when I’m not constantly struggling with too much work and too little time and way too much stress. I told her that I was way more laid back. That was kind of a lie. Not to say that I’m not generally easy to get along with, but I was thinking about the last time I was unencumbered. Hindsight being what it is and all that, I realize now that I was a bit intense. It was not unusual for me to pick people up and carry them along with me – often farther and faster than they were ready to go. I learned the hard way not to do that anymore, but I do wonder what will happen when I have recovered my energy. I might need to take up a new hobby – or three. 🙂
SecondHand Saint 